Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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