What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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