I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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