he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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