There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
meet me or not, i'm out of control
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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