woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
