Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
