Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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