Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
