exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
