Capitaan dildo arrescate!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
