It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
