And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
