I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
