sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
