it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
