Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
