No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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