she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
