dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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