a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just want to make out with him forever
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
