I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
