I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Vodka?
Forever.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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