I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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