So drunk its hurt
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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