I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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