You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Do you still have your period?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
