Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Come on in and take your pants off
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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