Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
