Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
