Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize