I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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