mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
