is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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