Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
