The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
