He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
