So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
