the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
