I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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