I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize