So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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