You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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