Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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