Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
