South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
