At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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