***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
