Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm really busy with my period
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