dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
