my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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