So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
