whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
