so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
