Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
