I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
