Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
