I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
