How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
