My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
