Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
