im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
