Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
