She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
