im drinking this country out of the recession.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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