Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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