she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
