Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
