Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I would ride that face into the sunset
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
