We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
