Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
