So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
barbara walters just said penis...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
