Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
