lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
worst night to have a conscience
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
