genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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