i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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